What is Love?

What does the above saying mean?

When do we claim that we love a particular person?

How do we love?

These questions might look simple but it’s very difficult to answer. But when we try to answer this question some people might say ‘love is falling for a person’,  ‘love is doing what other person likes’, ‘love is sacrificing and adjusting’ etc. But is this love? It is just liking a person. If this is not love, then what is love?

Love is acceptance, unconditional acceptance towards a person, be it mother, or father or sister, or husband. It is mere acceptance. It is trust. It is freedom. It is respecting the individuality of a person. Love does not come with conditions. It does not have a label saying ‘conditions apply’. 

But do we love a person, accepting them. No. Do you know what is the main reason for divorce in our country? We don’t know how to love. We take the other person for granted. We think that ‘He is my husband and he should be like this only, then only I will love him’, ‘I love my child a lot, but how can he be like this’, ‘I can’t accept my mother doing this’. We all have ‘if’ and ‘but’ conditions in our love.

Usually if we ask a person do you love your wife? Immediately he will answer “Yes. I love her a lot but I don’t like her straight hair. Yes, I love her a lot, but I don’t like her talking to guys. Yes. I love her, but will love her more if she is slim”. The same applies in all relations. But love is much beyond this. It is beyond the physique. It is much beyond our expectations about other person.

If you ask yet another people how do you express your love to your wife or husband? They might answer ‘I make love to her/him daily, or do what all he or she says’. But please understand that physical penetration is not love. Sex is the medium of love. But love is much beyond this. 

The problem in relationship is we have started to see individual human beings. Your husband or your wife is first an individual who is unique. He is just Ram or Sudir or Sharan or Geetha first then only your husband or wife. But we don’t see them as individuals. We attach our love not to the individuals but to the role they possess. We believe that since she is my wife, she needs to be like this and that and then only I can love her.  

But the problem is love becomes more beautiful when there is trust and freedom. Don’t try to force your love on others. Just because he is your husband he need not love you in the same manner you love him. Accept it. Just because she is wife doesn’t mean that she always needs to say yes to what all you do. She also has her own taste and preferences. God does not create him or her solely for your own purpsoe. They are here to find their own way. Accept it. Love can blossom only between two individuals and this love should help the individuality to grow and once there is a growth the two becomes one.

But the problem here is we don’t allow the love to grow. We never accept people as they are. We accept them partially and reject them partially. We love that part of the person which is acceptable to us and reject the other part of that person. But you can’t divide a person into good and bad. He is what he is. He is in his totality. And if you divide a person into two and love only the best part you are not accepting them and this is a sheer ugliness. Ugliness to the extent that you say you love her but can’t accept her.

Many a times we love only our family members and our neighbors. When our mother falls on the streets we rush to help and we feel so bad and disturbed. But when a stranger falls on the street we just watch it as an incident and move away. So we attach our love only to the social roles and not to individuals. Be it mother or wife or husband or stranger, love is love. The only path to humanity is 'Stop attaching love and compassion to social roles and start loving each and every individual be it human or animal in an unconditional manner, trust them and giving them the enough space to blossom'. 

If we truly love a person we will not put any conditions. We will not ask to do this or that. We will believe and trust. Even if they exhibit the worst behavior, we will accept it. we will not try to condemn them. We will not try to change them. We will not expect them to listen to our words. We won’t put stupid conditions. In the name of love we are crushing people ask them to be something that they are not.  Above all we will not disturb their freedom.

 Love is growing together. Love is accepting them. And how does this happen? It will happen only when you start loving yourself. But our society has condemned self love. The society has labeled you as bad or imperfect or worse. It has placed so many labels on us. And when we are not able to love our own self, how are we going to love others.  So first let’s love ourselves. Let’s love our imperfections. Let’s love our faults. Let’s love us in totality. Let this love bloom with others. Love does not make a person dependent. It will make a person independent. Love can’t be possessive. Because it knows only giving and not hoarding.

The crux is “It is not falling in love, It is raising in Love”.