In this post we will discuss about the various ways to change our negative thinking and core beliefs. Before going to the techniques we first need to see ways to improve our self esteem, because only if we are strong, outside elements will not harm us. We should have strong immunity power (self esteem), then only outside sources like opinion of others and their beliefs about ourselves will not disturb us.
So, what is self esteem? It is nothing but our evaluation of our own self. But the irony is many a times we always have a low self esteem. The only way to improve our self esteem is to recognize and accept both positives and negatives in us.
This Bigger I is ‘you’. The small (i) represents your various characters or qualities like being honest, good in studies, poor in singing, straight forward, humorous, not so good in organizing etc. But when we evaluate ourselves we don’t look ourselves as whole, but see only the ‘not so good’ aspects of ourselves and feel inferior. We might have 10 good qualities and one bad quality, yet we keep focusing on the one bad quality and feel inferior. When we feel inferior our immune system (self esteem) comes down and we get infected (thoughts of others that put us down). So the first step is to enhance your self esteem. The main four pillars of self esteem are 1. Self emancipation (freedom from bondage by others thoughts) 2. Self love 3. Self protection (Protecting yourself against others by taking care of your selves) 4. Self affirmation.
As we start enhancing our self esteem we need to take care of our thoughts to. When others try to put you down don’t listen to them and you be focused on your path.
Imagine you are driving a car with your friends to a tourist place. Each one of your friends gives you directions. You listen to all of them. Do you think you will reach the place?. Ultimately you will end up with confusions. Similarly in our day to day life every one has different opinions about you. Some will say "you are a stupid" some body will say "You are a failure" yet another person will say "You cant succeed" If you start listening to each of these opinion you get lost. You have to decide what you are capable of, for which self esteem is utmost important.
One simple way to change our thoughts is: Catch the harmful thoughts 2. Check it 3. Change it.
This kind of analysis will help you in identifying your thoughts. To better change your thinking pattern you can add “Yes, But” statements to your thoughts.
Eg: Instead of saying I am depressed, we can say “Yes. I am depressed right now, but there were times when I was happy”. By using yes and but statements we try to reduce the intensity of the words we use.
Decastastrophizing
Imagine the worst that can happen in any situation and the best that can happen in any situation, also imagine what is most likely to happen. Then develop a coping strategy for each scenario. Example: You did some mistake in company.
Here we ask ‘what if questions’ and try to see the reality. “what if the worst happens? How will I cope? What if this issue goes unnoticed, how will I cope?
Have a helicopter view
When a helicopter takes off and reaches heights, we see a bigger picture and we are less involved at the greater details at the ground level. Imagine that you are sitting in a helicopter and viewing your problem.
Having a worry tree
The Double-Standard Method
If your friend has a same problem how would you talk to him? Instead of putting yourself down in a harsh, condemning way, talk to yourself in the same compassionate way you would talk to a friend with a similar problem.
“Would you say the same things to your friend in a similar situation?”
The Experimental Technique
Do an experiment to test the validity of your negative thought.
Ex: “I am a failure”
Experiment: Start taking up lot of tests to see whether you are really a failure. When you get good results in few tests you will known the reality.
Thinking in Shades of Gray
Instead of thinking about your problems in all-or-nothing extremes, evaluate things on a range from 0 to 100. When things do not work out as well as you hoped, think about the experience as a partial success rather than a complete failure and see what you can learn from the situation.
The Survey Method
Ask people questions to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic.
Ex: If you believe that you are a poor orator; ask your friends opinion regarding this.
Define Terms
When you label yourself as “stupid” or “inferior” or “a loser,” ask what is the definition of “stupid.”
The Semantic Method
Simply substitute language that is less colorful and emotionally loaded. This method is helpful for “should statements.”
Ex: “I shouldn't have made that mistake!” - “It would have been better if I hadn't made that mistake.”
Re-attribution
Instead of automatically assuming that you are “bad” and blaming yourself entirely for a problem, think about the many factors that may have contributed to it.
Cost-Benefit Analysis
These are some of the activities through which we can change our harmful thought process and prosper in life. To conclude if we follow BACE method, our mental health will be good.
Yup, you’re saying right, and I would like to share one thing more. I put this first because I think it’s the keystone habit that will help you form the other important habits. Sure, Corrective thinking or positive thinking by itself won’t lead to success, but it certainly goes a long way to motivate you to do the other things required.
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