Love Yourself

Your relationship with yourself determines the relationship with others. If you love yourself, you will be able to love others. If you are not able to accept yourself, you feel jealous about others. When we ask others, whether they love their own self, the reply we usually get is, ‘Yes I love my self’ but if we ask what they love about their self, they will say ‘I love this------- and that--------------’

Is this love? If you say you love your eyes it means you hate or you are not comfortable with some other parts of the body. Try this exercise.

Do you love yourself?---------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you love about yourself?

Physical:---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Psychological:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Social:-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What do you hate about yourself?

Physical:---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Psychological:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Social:-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you see some other person who possesses the qualities you hate, how do you feel?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is this love?

You are accepting a part of you and rejecting other half of you. You create a division in yourself: The so called ‘good self’ and the so called ‘bad self’. This is not love. It is just liking yourself. In love there is no difference between the good and the bad. You accept the person in total. There are no conditions. Coming to the ‘not so good self’ do you really think that they are not good? Is this your thought? Try this exercise.

What do you hate the most in you?

I have big lips, which I hate the most. I am not good in mathematics.

Is this your thought or you borrowed it from others?

I think it is my thought only. Many a time people have told me that I don’t look good and I have big lips.

In this case, is this your thought?

No

Many a time we borrow the thoughts from others and start believing it. So every time when we look into the mirror we look at our whole face except that part (Lips in the above example) which we hate, because of our belief. Similarly we study all subjects but avoid mathematics. So how to overcome this?

 Today stand in front of the mirror. Look at yourself. We are good at establishing eye contact with others, but we are afraid to establish eye with our own self. Look into the eyes of your reflection. Look deep. Look at that particular body part which you don’t like. In this example, it is the lips. Touch the lips of the image on the mirror. When you touch, touch with love. With love question the belief you posses about that particular body part.

Who said I have big lips?

My friends and parents told so.

Where would they have got these thoughts?

Might be they have seen people only with small lips or heard people with small lips getting praises and people with big lips getting isolated.

Is it necessarily true or is it just their opinion?

It might be true always and it should be their opinion.

Till now, did I act on this opinion?

Yes I was acting on this opinion and ignored a part of myself.

Am I going to continue the same or break this chain?

No, I am not going to act on this any more.

So, what am I going to do?

First I will accept myself; I will accept the fact that I have big lips. Let me push back the opinion of others and see my lips as a part of myself. “This lip is part of my self. These lips have been given to me for a purpose. I will cherish it.”

What I am going to say to myself?

Yes I have big lips, which means I have a big smile too. Yes I smile big, and it can put smile on others face too.

What is my real purpose?

I am not bothered if I have as small or big lips, unless the words come out of it does not hurt others and they are words of kindness.

Next time if someone says I don’t have good lips, how I am going to react?

Smile at them.

Accept them in total, because they are also hurt deep down.

With love tell them “Thanks for your opinion, but I love my lips because they are part of my self, and they are created the way they are, for a purpose”.

You can ask, this works perfect for body image but what about our belief regarding other areas of life? Eg: Being poor in mathematics. The same philosophy works here.

Is this your thought?

Yes it is mine.

How do you know it is yours?

Yes. My poor grades in mathematics show that I am poor in that subject.

Because of this fact, what conclusion you come about yourself?

I am a failure in studies and I will fail in my life too.

How are you performing in other papers?

Pretty good! I get good grades.

Can you understand how with this small fact we are judging a whole of our self? Once we decide that we are poor in maths, our attitude towards that particular subject changes.  We approach the subject with hatred. When our mind is filled with fear and hatred, there is no space for love. We start approaching the numbers for the sake of grades and to escape from it as soon as possible. So what can be done?

Change your attitude. Don’t approach the subject with a thinking that ‘I need to master you’. Once you get this thought immediately you get thoughts of failure or success. Approach the subject with love and with a thinking that ‘I wish to know you’. Embrace the subject. Drop all your belief about the subject. Approach the subject as if you are seeing for the first time. Drop all inhibitions. Go with the thought that ‘I am not worried about my grade. I wish to understand you’. Once your belief about grades drop, your tension drops, and your brain becomes calm ready to accept it. Now decide what you are going to do to understand the subject.

-         Drop all beliefs

-         Approach with love

-         Stop seeing it as grade and see it as way of life

-         Start finding out creative ways to understand the subject

You might ask, what if even after loving the subject and putting so much effort nothing changes? It’s OK. Not everyone is great in numbers. You have made a genuine effort to understand with love.  Still if you are not able to understand it, move away gracefully without any judgements. Tell yourself ‘Yes I have made genuine efforts but couldn't. It’s OK. It doesn't mean that I am a failure. I am not going to hate maths, I still love the subject and I move gracefully for my life is not determined by numbers alone, my purpose is much greater’.

Next time when someone says you score poor in maths how you are going to react?

-         Smile

-         Accept them

-   With love tell ‘Thanks for your opinion and it might be true also, but this not my definition. I am much beyond this’.