Problem and YOU

Where does the Root Cause of all problems lie?

First of all what do you mean by a problem?. A problem can be seen as a situation which is regarded as unwelcome or harmful needing to be dealt with and overcome. If you analyze the reason for the problems usually we will try to put the blame on the  others or the situation. But if we introspect we will come to know the root cause of the problem.

Yes. The root cause of many of the problems is in our Mind. Strange!. But it is the truth. For all the problems we face the root cause is the mind. So first let us decide what is a Mind? Or what Constitutes a Mind?

Many Psychologist have propounded that Mind is the mental activity of the brain and it is composed of cognitive, Affect (Emotions) and Conative (How one acts on the feelings). All these three together make up the mental functions of the brain. Well, When a problem occurs what happens? Suppose if your wife scolds you, immediately what will be your reaction? You Might scold back or you might avoid her or you might try to handle the situation in some other way. All these reactions are the result of your thought process.

When your wife scolds you, immediately your cognition aspect of the Mind thinks that (“Oh she hates me” or “All women are so mean” or “how can a women scold me” or “It is not the duty of the women to scold a Husband and if she does so she has no love for the Husband”) Once all this cognitive part is activated this ignites a change in the Affect. You start to attach emotions to it. You might begin to feel low, or threatened. Once these emotions are activated it will end in your behavior. You Might scold back your wife or slap her or get out of the house. This is what exactly happens behind all your reactions.

So now it is pretty clear that the problem does not lie with the wife or the situation or the words she spoke but the problems lies in how we interpret and understand the situation. If we interpret the situation in a positive way then our reactions will be appropriate.

As Victor E. Frankl rightly says “Between the Stimulus and the Response there is a space. In that Space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our Growth and Freedom”. Its true. If you take the above example, the stimulus is (wife Scolding) and the response is (scolding back or slapping her or moving out of the house etc) and between these various responses we can choose what to react and how to react.

All problems arise from the way we interpret the situations. It is not the situation that create problem but the meaning we attach to it. So try to see things from different perspectives. You are more than your thoughts. Take up Responsibility. Don't put the blame on the situation. 

Your Mother, Your father, Your Girl friend or boyfriend, your employer, your co workers, your wife, your children all are the same in all situations. Only the way we see them is different. At one time the acts done by your child does not ignite any anger in you when your mind is calm. Yet another time the same acts done by your child ignites so much anger towards your child when you are already confused. So the point is clear. The child and its act are the same. But only your state of mood is different. 

Now the message is clear. The blame is not on the situation but in your mind. Change your thoughts. Change your life.