The Blame Game

“Why did you fail in your exams? I was not feeling well.” “Why do you drink? Because my Girlfriend ditched me”. ‘Why’ and ‘Because’ have become the main point upon which our lives dwell. We ask many questions about others, we ask many questions about what is happening around us, we ask many questions about God, we ask many questions about what is happening in someone else’s life and we keep on asking questions. We are so bombarded with questions ‘why’ ‘what’ ‘how’. The real question is, are we really trying to seek answers for these questions? In the process of seeking answers we are just trying to put the blame on others. We blame our teachers, we blame the parents, we blame our children, we blame our environment and above all we blame our God. We keep on blaming others and we are so conditioned to blaming game that we start believing that it is the answer. 

This process starts right from our childhood. When we fall down, immediately our parents react and say “Oh! You stupid floor, you pushed my son down. You deserve punishment” and we hit the floor. Once this is done, the child gets satisfied immediately. Its ego gets fulfilled. The child learns two things here. One to blame others for our faults and the second one is ‘tit for tat’. Yes it is we who teach our children all this. We never allow our child to take responsibility. We never teach our child accountability. Above all we never allow our child to be aware of its own self. We condition the child so badly, that it does everything automatically without any awareness.

We never allow the child to feel hunger. Before it could understand it is hungry we stuff them with food. We never allow the child to be in one with nature. In the name of protection and security we crush their freedom. We never allow the child to bloom. We never allow our child to question. We transfer our gene to our children and along with that we transfer our thoughts too. We wish the child to be our photocopy. What we dint fulfill, we expect the child to fulfill. Either the child gets everything it needs or it is deprived of its need. We have changed our children into automatic machines. We give a feeling to our children that they are powerless and that they need to be saved. We have taught them that there are good and bad people and cautioned them to be away from bad people. We have taught them that life is not bed of roses and they must struggle to lead life. We have taught them that only the fittest will survive. We have taught them that the world is full of competitions and that they need to run, run, run and runnnnnnnnnnnnn. 

The child which was pure like a flower has been contaminated. It has been contaminated by our thoughts. It has been contaminated by our beliefs. The child finally believes that this contamination is the ultimate truth.

As the child grows all these things play a vital role in their development. They start believing others than its own self. They start believing the parents, friends, relatives and every other person but not its own soul. This is so because we never allowed our children to be in full awareness. Once a child, now an adolescent is faced with a life problem, he shouts for help. He has learnt that there is hope, he has also learnt that people will not come for help. He has learnt that it is not his mistake but he has also learnt that if there is any failure it is because of him. He has learnt that others are better than him. He is totally confused. He is confused between to believe and not to believe, to hope and not to hope. Now his ego needs some answers for this confusion. He seeks answer by blaming others. If the other people did not not come to rescues, he blames them. If they come to rescue him, even then he blames them for not coming in time. When the other is not able to accept the blame we suffer from guilt.

All psychiatric illness is result of this blame and guilt. No one else is responsible. A person is depressed because he blames himself that he is useless, because this is what he has been taught. In anxiety, the person blames others and worries that his belief might come true. We taught the child to succeed in order to gain love from others, and when it doesn’t happen they end up with all kinds of mental health issues. It is we who hold the key to this. Yes stop blaming and start accepting. Yes it’s true that our childhood has been crushed, but again how long are we going to blame our corrupted childhood system. Let’s put a break here. Let’s break from all this drama. Let’s break this blame cycle.

Whatever has happened is happened and we cannot change it. The past is dead. But please remember that we are born new every second. We are not the same old person who was present few seconds back. Every moment is fresh to us. You are newly born. So stop grumbling about past. Be in the present. Being alone is not sufficient, be with full awareness. Be aware of what is happening around you. Be aware of the sound of the fan in the room, be aware of the sound of the breeze, be aware of the sound of the crying child, be aware of everything around you, even the breathe you take in. when you are fully aware, your thoughts will not overpower you. Your situation will not overpower you. Life will become a celebration.

Whenever you are feeling sad or depressed or angry, don’t react. Accept it. Meditate on your thoughts. Be like a passenger who is sitting in the train and watching the trees pass by. Just be a passenger of your own thoughts. View your thoughts outside your body. When you are not attached to your thoughts, your thoughts will lose its power. When you don’t attach your emotions to your thoughts its loses all its intensity. We are more powerful than our situations. No situation is bad or good, it all depends on how we perceive. 

Don’t colour any situation with your thoughts and emotions. Just see the situation as it is. Stop getting deceived by your emotions. Be meditative. Watch your thoughts. Watch your emotions. Don’t fulfill your ego. Don’t look for someone to put the blame and pass on the blame game. When you look for someone to put the blame be it a situation or a person, you tell to yourself “What am I doing here? Is my presence here, right in this moment is to flower or to get caught again in the blame game. I am newly born, and what has happened has in no way can disturb me, because I am not going to give it any power. I am not here to judge others, I am not here to see why it happened, I am not here to grumble. I am here to discover my own self”.  What our parents taught, what this society taught to us, what we learnt has no power without our consent.  We are not our thoughts. We are much beyond that. 

This is the mantra. Be aware. Be mindful. Whether you clean the toilets or be the CEO of a company, celebrate your life. Don’t struggle with life. The more your struggle, you will get lost. Be like a river. Go with the flow and you will find yourselves.