Anger

We expect something to happen and when it does not happen or happens in a way we dint expect we get anger. We expect the other person to act in certain way and if it doesn’t work we get angry. What is the source of our anger? The Opponent or the situation or our own self? What is the source of our anger?

Many would answer that the source for our anger is the other person or the situation. But the truth is something different. If you love someone or hate someone what would you do? We forget our love and focus on the other. The other becomes the object and we project our love or anger on the other person and we think that the other person is the source of the anger. Is it so? 

No. The other person has just pricked us.  We are the source of our anger. The anger arises in us, and we just project it to the other person and we claim that the other person has made us angry. You forget yourself and the other becomes the center of attention. The other person is just a screen and we just project our anger or love or hatred on that screen. I am the center. So now the question is should I change myself or the other person? It is me who is getting angry. It is me who is in love. It is me who is feeling jealous and so it is me who has to understand this and transcend this.

I project love to you and you seem loving to me. Some other person projects hate to you and you seem repulsive. How come a person who is lovable to us is repulsive to others? The ‘other’ is not the problem. ‘You’ is the problem. Let’s make it more clear with a simple day to day example. Your wife looks so lovable to you but so hateful to your mother. Is it the problem of your wife or your mother? Both the husband and the mother just project their emotions on the girl and the girl has nothing to do with it. It is their emotions and they are projecting and why the girl should be bothered when it does not belong to her? Will you be bothered about someone’s luggage in the railway station? Will you take care of it? Certainly not. When the mother in law reacts she projects to the girl and the girl without understanding this again projects the anger towards mother in law and this creates a chain reaction. 

Be grateful to the people who provoke your anger? He is just helping you to understand yourself better. He is helping you to understand your soul. He is helping you to understand the darker side of you which you suppressed. You need not run to forest to understand your being. This world is enough. It gives you so many opportunities to understand yourself.   This crowd and the people around you help you. Wisdom is just born out of conflicts. Someone insults you and you get anger. The same thing continues and at one fine point of time you realize being angry will no way help you and you transcend your anger. So be grateful to the man who insulted you. You will come to the realization that somebody is angry towards me. It is his problem and why I should bother?

So next time when you get angry don’t project on to the other person. Go within yourself, because you are the source of anger. Understand it. Understand the nature of the anger. Don’t reason your emotions. Don’t use your brain to understand your emotions. Detach yourself from the emotions or the person.  Don’t pass on your anger and don’t create a chain of events. Be aware. Awareness is the bath for the mind.

The rule of expressing anger is ‘understand it. Never suppress it. Never create a chain of events’.  Anger is the time of meditation. When you are angry it is the right time to understand yourself. When you are angry, look inside. Keep a mirror in front of you and see your face. Look at your face in the mirror with full awareness. Look for the minute details. As you look you will see how your eyebrows are raised, how red is your eyes, how pale your lips as become. Now slowly relax everything. Understand that you are the center of your anger. It is your energy. You have to hug it, kiss it and embrace it.

Just wait. Go deeper inside your own self. Patience is very important. Once you embrace your anger it will turn into compassion. Compassion for your own self and towards others. Don’t add colour to your anger. Don’t bring in the past or the future. Don’t think about what the other person has done to you in the past. As said above don’t look at your emotions with your brain. 

When the other person is angry, and if I am present in the moment I will not feel angry because I know that he is the source of his anger. But if I am present with my past experience about the person I too will get anger and the chain of anger will be created. So don’t be with the past. When you are not with the past your anger will turn into compassion for the person.

So, when you are angry don’t look outside. Look inside. Look into your anger. You are the source and the other person has nothing to do with your anger. Accept your anger. Embrace it and it turns into compassion.

Is it getting too philosophical? The simple logic is the other person provokes you so that you will get angry and feel tensed and shout back. It is his expectation. But when you don’t react the way he expects, his expectations fails and his anger will increase and again provokes you. If he fails consecutively, he will get hurt and pass on to the next person and you will be peaceful. When you get angry, just remember the ‘Fox and the grape’ Story. The fox tried and tried for the grapes. It couldn't reach it and got frustrated. So escape from the feeling of failure it said ‘The grapes are sour and I don’t need it’. This is what happens, when a person provokes you. When he does not get the result he expected he will move on to the next person. You are relieved. Take it philosophical or in a humorous way, understand your anger and turn it into compassion.

 Don’t forget. ‘YOU ARE THE SOURCE’